Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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