his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
