Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize