listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
