The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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