In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
