his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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