Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Randomize
