i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
