It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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