all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
