i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
