I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
