Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
