I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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