i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
