I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
