3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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