Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
