With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
