My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
