I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
