Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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