I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
