i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
