It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
