u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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