2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
