You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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