Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
