...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize