why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
How naked do you want me to be?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
