Yo dont text me then not text me
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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