We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
