I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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