Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just google imaged poop.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
