My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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