I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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