Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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