Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
