I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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