Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
