I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
