can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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