So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
