and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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