don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
