Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
