I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
