I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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