Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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