I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
