She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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