i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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