dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
whose parrot is this?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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