I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
