forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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