He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
