Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
