I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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