the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
