I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
