I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
