I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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