it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
