After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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