do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
