what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize