hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My liver just had a heart attack.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
