Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
