OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
