Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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